I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
