Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
