He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the day after is always just damage control
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
