Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My vagina is officially offended.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
