but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
