I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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