clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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