you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
