Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
