So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
