Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
