No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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