Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
