he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
