Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
