She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
