Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
