Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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