You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
