My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
