i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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