I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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