I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Someone signed my nipple.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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