Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
