So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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