Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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