I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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