i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
