fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
