Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
