put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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