it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
