Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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