your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
