new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
