This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yo dont text me then not text me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
