I just made out with a guy for $7.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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