& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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