Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
