Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
