I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
