mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
