Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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