allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
