so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
