I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
