So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize