my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
