2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm way too hungover for life right now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
