After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
two words: eviction party
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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