i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
