There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
