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I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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