Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
