Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
