CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
