I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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