you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
