Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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