my mouth tastes like poor choices
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
