Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
