just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize