You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
