He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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