My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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