you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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