I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize