If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
