I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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