last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
