Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize