I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
