A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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