M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize