I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
