This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
