There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
