Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
