Welp...herpes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
