I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
