Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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