So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we're making bets on your personal life
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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