The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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