In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
