Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
