38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
