I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
