Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
