Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize