Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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