i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
