I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
