guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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