can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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