sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
