I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
