Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
