I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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