before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize