Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
