R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
