This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
