My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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