i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
