just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
