he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
