Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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