I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
