Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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