you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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