Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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