She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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